Driving School

I had to go to driving school for speeding. I actually wasn’t dreading it because it fit into my schedule, saved me from points being put on my license and ultimately I’ve become way more aware of my speed. So 130.00 for 2 hours of driving school… it’s pricey but yeah whatever. So I go and wow was it great for people watching… but the guy says I’ve been sick and still feel week so I’m going to be letting you guys out after about 45 mins. Well that’s exciting…  at 130 dollars a pop for less than an hours worth of work… yep I’m in the wrong profession. ;) The first 15 mins was your typical defensive driving made in the late 80’s early 90s on a VHS tape with horrible tracking. Then he puts on the most disturbing uncensored video full of real car crashes victims.  Blood, gore, death, sirens and body bags filled the screen and my mind. I tried to not look at the screen… I felt sick to my stomach and like I wanted to cry but it was when they started showing the teens that I really couldn’t stand it. This particular case knocked the breath out of me as I listened (I could only look up occasionally). These teens had crashed and 2 had died (yes they showed them) and one was half alive and they placed her in a life flight helicopter, she didn’t make it either. It was that story that made me want to run out of the room crying… I guess it brought back too many memories of losing my nephew Jack. It’s perhaps my biggest fear, I’ll be dying, suddenly that second will come that I will know and at that moment it’ll be so scary. I just can’t help but perseverate on that idea… that feeling... that fear… the worry… the aloneness. I believe in God, I believe in eternal but I also know what things feel like here on this world… and it makes me nervous knowing to get to my eternal life I have to let go of this one. I have to say goodbye to my loved ones and become part of the collective and unknown. I never imagined I would be like this with fear and anxiety but sadly I am.