Wonder, worry & excitement

Here I am 9 mo 14days away from graduating and the pressure is already on… I’m excited, nervous and worried about what the future will hold for me. Where do I want to live? Where do I want to work? How will I find a job for myself and for Jason if we move? Do I want to live in this town? Do I want to move? Is it possible to “have it all”? I’m rounding the bend to 30; how am I going to have a baby and find a job? Why doesn’t FMLA kick in as soon as someone is hired? Other countries give women at least 10 weeks of paid leave…. I on the other hand will have 100K in debt to worry about and most likely no paid leave and probably no right to keep my job… unless I wait until 6 months after I graduate to consider starting a family… in which case I will be 29 and 9 months. Lets leave my baby rant for another day. I do want it all, the problem is I don’t know what all I want, or maybe even more I’m worried some of the things I want aren’t obtainable. I do not want to seem ungrateful because lets be honest, I’ve had an amazingly blessed life. I have kick ass parents, a bachelors, a doctorate (expected in 9 months and 14 days), a fabulous husband, a house, 3 super pets and to top it all off I am loved as much as I love my friends and family. The reason I’m blogging on this topic that plagues me is because on Sunday Jason’s mom started asking me about where I was going to work and it cranked up my stress level 5 or 6 notches. Poor Jason got caught in the middle of my frustration with the unknown. Jason is calm, cool and collected at virtually every second of everyday. I envy his ability to go with the flow and trust unquestionably that there is a reason for everything and it will all work out in the end. I on the other hand worry, ponder, pray, stress and research until I drive myself insane. I know there is a plan for me, I know I’ve gotten this far in my life for a reason but that being said it’s hard to just let life happen. I know no one can tell me what is right for me, or were I should be or what population I should with but I’d be happy for any feedback regarding the topic. You know, looking back, I wasn’t always this way, I use to just live life and let things happen but the older I get the harder it is to just let life happen. In conclusion, as one very wise woman once said “Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone”.