Are you who you’d thought you’d be at 10,000 days old? I’m not… and perhaps that is not such a bad thing. I unlike Jason went through many different life ideas, plans and interests before I ended up where I am. However the most serious direction/plans I had for myself formed in late high school. Although, I thought I had it all worked out, I really didn’t and I didn’t really apply myself at all until my junior year of college.
I thought I’d go to college, date around for awhile and then some world wind romance would sweep me off my feet and I’d marry the love of my life at 25. During that time I would have completed my doctorate and I’d either be a psychiatrist or forensic psychologist. By 26 I would be working on having a family that would consist of 2-3 children, while living in the city. I wasn’t quite sure what my husband would do but I knew he’d be highly intelligent, eclectic and somehow we’d be financially set… then again what teenager doesn’t think that’ll happen.
We all know this isn’t exactly how it all worked for me. I met Jason my first day at MTSU and by the time I was 21 we were married. I had the love of my life part right, just not the financially set part. I did complete my undergrad work in psychology, but then the shadowing began and after fainting a few times in the OR and ER, I gave up on the idea that medicine was for me… So I figured if I couldn’t be a doctor or physician’s assistant I would get my MBA and tell the doctors what to do. ;) But… I hated business more than waking up on the floor of the OR. Working on my MBA taught me tons of things but most importantly it lead me to occupational therapy. I’ve only got 9 months and 20 days until I graduate with my doctorate of occupational therapy. It’s hard to believe it will have taken me 11 years just to figure out what I want to do and get to work doing it but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t change my path to get here even if I had the choice… with the exception of my panic/anxiety disorder that I picked up after an ovarian cyst ruptured days before my 25 b-day. On top of my career not happening as I planned, we aren’t financially set, we don’t have any children and we live in the country. I would have laughed in the face of anyone that told me I’d live in a small town in rural Tennessee.
I’ve somewhat stopped making idea plans of what the next 10 years of my life will be like mostly because I’m not really sure what I want anymore but also because I need to embrace the moment and realize I'm not totally in control of my destiny.
I didn't know you had wanted to be a forensic psychologist, too! It's funny, reading this: I was always the same way, making plans. I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up and I knew exactly how to get there. And then reality shed light on the situations that I thought I wanted so badly... and I realized that not only did I not want what I thought I wanted, I had no idea what I did want. So I started to go with what felt right instead of what the next step in the path to my ultimate plan might be. It can be a stressful way to go, and planning ahead is a habit that I will never fully break. But I have fewer regrets, and once you get over the nerves that go along with accepting that you don't know what you want, the future starts to look more and more exciting.
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