A year ago today we awoke in Paris, France for 2 weeks of un-American bliss. We lived in our tiny, very expensive apartment. We shopped at the local markets, climbed numerous stairs, ate tons of bread and we explored the city on our own terms... Sleeping in, watching cartoons and doing things most people never get the chance to. It was amazing and so Parisian. Life just has a different pace and ultimately Paris has some sort of "Je ne sais quoi", which is obviously why this little saying is French. ;)
It's hard to believe that this year I'm carrying much more precious cargo than expensive Macaroons or real hot chocolate. It is even harder to believe that next year at this time my precious cargo will be here... and may be taking his first steps. I know right?! I'm just sitting here thinking, OMG this baby that is still inside me, is going to be walking this time next year... Wow.
I have to admit, I feel more than lucky to have had the experiences that I've had, and even more so that Jason and I've had together. It makes everything seem right. Like we followed the universe's plan and have been rewarded generously with travel and amazing company. We've had 11+ years together to really get to know each other. A perfect example of this is his ability to tell when I'm hungry based on my responses and my ability to tell he's tired based. This will hopefully allow us to parent better because we know each other so well. I also believe that since we have had time to travel together, as poor folks, and observers of other cultures that this will allow us to be parents that aren't so stressed out about the little things. We always laugh about the Disney effect, people get so ramped up about taking their kids to where ever that they forget they're kids are just kids and after a few hours get tired... and the parents are tied, and everyone is hot/cold, and hungry which leads to lots of complaining and snappy responses and forced photographs. Hopefully we'll be able to keep this thought in mind with our life as a family and not over schedule things to make them perfect. Because in the quest of perfection we always loose the moment.
So as I say goodbye for now to my Parisian dreams and begin to reflect on 2011, I'm opening my eyes towards a new life. A life that will certainly change ours and change our relationship and I couldn't be more excited about it. I admit at first I was freaking out a little bit. It really did take me almost a whole trimester to come to terms with it and to not be scared. I just have so much student loan debt, plus we live somewhere I hate... and then I sort of lost my job. But through this I simply have to remember that God and the universe have been amazingly good to me and that things happen for a reason. Although there were a good 3 weeks were I was pretty bummed out, it gave me time to think, do a little house cleaning and find a new job. A job that requires less hours, doing "better" OT (as I like to think of it). At first I was so stressed about the fact I would be making less money that I couldn't see what a blessing this was for me... but now as I am working my 4 hour shifts, it feels perfect. I'm WAY busier than I was at my previous job and after 4 hours, this 3rd trimester pregnant lady is TIRED. :) I never have to work on a day I don't want to... I get to paid extra to work on Saturdays AND it's in a hospital, which is perfect for me. Why? Because hospitals make me nervous... and because of that I have been worried about my birthing day... if you are familiar with any of the Ina May Gaskin books (or really any good pregnancy book) you're aware that anxiety, nervousness and fear can cause your cervix to constrict, which can lead to stalled "labor" progress or can even make your cervix go backwards. This is a left over fight or flight mechanism to protects us from birthing in the wild. I'm hoping that this additional time I'm spending in the hospital setting will allow me to get more comfortable which will allow for an easier birthing day.
Sometimes god does work in mysterious ways. I'm going to go ahead and go out on a limb here and say I was sort of a sacrificial lamb for the facility I was working in, but it sounds like things are improving, which was the WHOLE point (even if I did lose my job over it). I'm also going to say that even though things didn't work out like I planned, maybe they worked out better and the universe will smile on us some more, leading us on even more adventures... who knows maybe even back to Paris. :)
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