We scheduled a c-section...

So we have a scheduled c-section date. I never thought I'd type that sentence but turns out we don't actually get to decide everything in our lives. ;P Little one is still a footling breech and his position puts us both at an increased risk of cord prolapse and death so I can't even go into my birthing time... Well I guess I could I just don't see how I could ever live with myself if I was so persistent in what I "wanted", that I ended up killing him or myself. So I've given up put on a new perspective. Obviously their must be a reason my little one is a footling breech. It could be something isn't right with my body, my anterior placenta squishes him when he turns, the cords wrapped around him or maybe I there is a reason I need to have this c-section. I don't know the reason, but giving it up to God and nature.

What will be will be... and so we now have an expected date of birth. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to "release" the date, either until the night before or until after surgery just incase he flips. :) Yes, I still have hope that he's going to flip, although I do think if he does it's going to be the morning of surgery. My next appointment is on the 21st and we get to have another ultrasound then to check his position and talk more about external cephalic versions, but I'm going to go ahead and say, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have one. I feel like the increase risk (because of my placenta) and decreased proabalilty of it working, isn't worth the stress of the procesure. But I haven't ruled it out. I'm starting my c-section hypnosis tonight, so I'll be calm on our big day if it does go that way. It's been tough to come to terms with and honestly, I'm pretty scared. I hate to admit that but I am... on top of our whole world changing, now I have to have surgery and although I'd honestly do ANYTHING in the whole world for our little baby at this point, I'm still scared thinking about it.

I've made a ridiculous list of positive things about having a c-seciton to help me feel better.

• I know the date. We all know I hate the unexpected
• I don't have to have pressure waves.
• I can't "fail" at natural birth if I don't have the option to try one.
• My son will come out perfect and not have a cone head.
• My vagina will be the same as it always has.
• I won't regret leaving the midwives and having a natural birth somewhere else with less freedom.
• Jason will have an amazing opportunity to bond with the baby since I'll be in surgery. This is really awesome when you think about it because I've already gotten to experience so much with him that he hasn't.
• I've make request and seem to be making headway to get a family centered c-section... that's huge and I'm proud of myself for bringing it up at a hospital that wouldn't necessarily offer it. 
• We have a timeline of how soon we need to actually get everything done here at the house. :) 
• I'll be a better occupational therapist because I'll have experienced major surgery and having to be helped to and from the toilet... and having someone watch me shower. 

I feel like much of this is a repeat but it's just so much more real now... and becomes more so everyday.