**Disclaimer**
This blog has harsh words in it. Occasionally I hit a spot in my life where I just can't keep my mouth shut and after some reflection and discussion I think this blog is true for many people in their late 20's. Our old friends are all in different stages of their lifes, our new friends still fit like aquantences and making them turn into more is hard. If you feel like being pissed of at me and want to know more about what's occuring in my brain, go ahead and read further. Sometimes feeling something is better than nothing.
Where are my friends? No seriously, where are they?
Do any of them know what I’m up to… How I’m doing? What’s plaguing my mind? Have any of them called lately? Have they texted me? What about a card? Even better, when was the last time they saw me or came to my house?
I haven’t talked to some of my “best friends” since before the leaves feel off the trees. I’m sure they’re busy… but fuck, so am I. Some of them can’t respond to an e-mail or text back within a 24 hour period and that to me says, I’m just not important enough to them.
I’m bringing this up because I’m sick of this cycle. I have tried to be the best friend I can be and yet I still end up sitting alone. No matter how much effort I put in, it seems like very little effort is put back.
What happened to real friends? You know the ones. The ones that called just to say hi. The ones that knew when you needed a little pick-me up. The ones that didn’t just send a text to be nosey because of a FB status. They actually cared.
It feels like I’m living in a world that’s pushing us all to be more social awkward. But, guess what? That “like” just isn’t enough anymore for me.
I get it. I live really far away… but I’m sure more than once I’ve made an effort to see them, and rather that be an hour and a half drive or an airplane ride… I did it because I care.
It’s painful getting old. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I had no idea that on top of the pains of life, I’d end up going through them all with hardly a reliable friend to my name.
PS: If you are reading this... they post most likely has nothing to do with you.
I AGREE. My friends I reached out to after Jack passed do not stay in touch at all. My friend's are my family. Cheers to you Reagan. This a way of life. Love Jack
ReplyDeleteWell that just SUCKS Reagan! I have plenty of so-called friends that don't give a flying F. about me but I am blessed with 2 that do. You know what though? It's effort on all of our parts. One is not married, I have been married for ever and have older kids and one is married with babies. We are all in different stages but *those* friendships are worth it to me so I put in the effort. The problem is no one wants to be transparent or authentic anymore. They are around as long as things are easy. That is just such bull shit. Im sorry you feel like that because I know you would be a good friend. I hope that this is a valley you are in right now and ahead are better times. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI think that, as you said, people get so wrapped up in their own lives - particularly as they bring close people into it, like getting married and having children - that time and other priorities get away from us. But I don't think that's everyone. I think that part of it may be due to differences in methods of displaying affection or love. I have a friend who will send hand-written "just because" cards. I love getting them, and I acknowledge from them that she is thinking about me and that she cares, but it's not my style to do something like that. I have another friend who seems to measure caring by the amount of money someone spends on her. Sometimes, it's not a question of people not caring, it's that they either don't know how to show it affectively, or they don't know what exactly you need to make you feel that you are cared for. What is sufficient for one person might seem like it's coming up short for someone else. You may need to approach those people that you trust and have felt comforted by in the past, and just say "Listen, I sometimes feel like my friends are distant and that we're all wrapped up in our own lives. I would love to get a card or a text or something random, just to remind me that you're out there." So many of us have just accepted the electronic versions of friendship; sometimes we need reminding that good old fashioned human contact goes a long way. : )
ReplyDeleteGosh, you must have read my mind. I could've written this blog. I'm feeling the exact same way. Even those people who I thought were true blue and in it for the long haul have let me down. Things just change and I realize that, but it's hard to accept. Getting older sucks!
ReplyDeleteJennifer, that is exactly why I wrote this.. I know I'm not the only one going through this and perhpas if we all acknowedlge it we will try harder.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to die alone. I don't want a friend to die and me feel sorry for not keeping in touch. It's a lonely world and Sara you are right, maybe I need to step it up and just tell some of these people how I feel. If they don't like it, then it really is their loss.
Ultimately what really gets me is that some of the most caring friends I have in my life right now, are people I've yet to meet. Like you Kim.
Jack, that you for the support. I hope you are gettin the support you need as well. You know we're here for you.