Becoming the new me

Becoming a mom is like nothing else in the world. I can't explain it. Even though I knew babies changed everything, I didn't know what it would feel like for me and I imagine it is different for everyone. For me it is a mix of of disbelief, pride, exhaustion, fear and happiness. It's like ripping your heart out and literally watching it move around in front of you. When I heard your Kelso cry for the first time it is pure excitement and happiness but now my heart stops for a second and some sort of animalistic momma bear action happens. To watch him in pain is agony worst than anything I can think of... to watch his smile melts me into goo, seeing him explore and learn bring a pride over me that is greater than any accomplishment I've ever made and to watch him sleep is like a peak into heaven.

Saying all that you can see MY blog has now turned into a blog about my momminess... It's been 10 weeks and 5 days and I'm still pretty much permanently wearing my mommy hat. How do I find balance when Kelso takes up so much of my time and energy? Not only that, but sometimes I think I don't want to find a balance because he brings a piece to my life that I didn't even know existed and I love it. I don't want to miss a single second of his life, and yet I know I can't just be mom, I have to find a balance that includes wife, OT, daughter, aunt, sister, friend and Reagan. How do I make time for other parts of me? So I have started trying to figure out, what are my top priorities.

I want to:

• Work out regularly
• Lose the rest of the baby weight (I'm down 38lbs, I gained a ton of weight while pregnant)
• Work at least 16 hours a week
• Go on a date with Jason at least once a month
• Blog twice a month 
• Save money to get our family out of this small town before Kelso has to start school, preferably by the time he is 2.
• Be the best mom I can be

I haven't figured out how I'm going to make all these things happen since Kelso has such bad reflux and colic but I'm positive once school is out and Jason is home for the summer it will allow me a little more time to focus on myself and start to find a balance. I've already seen drastic improvements since soccer season ended. As for work my work goal, I started back last weekend. I actually really enjoyed it but it was only 2, 4 hour shifts, hardly much.... but it was a start. It's nice to feel like I'm contributing, talk to adults other than Jason and to be in a facility I like. I start my 8 hour shifts this weekend. The worst part is pumping at work because I'm a germaphob and pumping in the hospital freaks me out... but I'm sure it'll be fine and most likely it will increase little mans immune system. That being said, I'm a little bummed I'll be working my first Mothers day but I think this arrangement is the best possible option at this time. Kelso won't be going to day care, I get to work a little to keep my sanity and we'll make enough to not go bankrupt. :) May is going to be rough since Jason works M-F and I'll be doing Saturday and Sunday but this summer should be really nice and I can pick up extra shifts as needed while happily knowing Jason will be home with Kelso.