Long time no see.

I miss blogging... but just like an old friend you are still here for me. :)

Being a mom is amazing, hard, surreal, pride filled and exhausting. Everyone knows and says "Everything changes when a baby comes". I knew that... I expected that. What I didn't expect is that parts of me that I consider my core beliefs and wants would change.

I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. NEVER, and yet here I am wishing I could stay home...  I've always thought of myself as a go-getting, the bread winner, that feminist type... .but here I am changing my short term plans to be able to stay home 5 days a week.  If I didn't have student loans I'm pretty sure I'd be a stay at home mom full time at least until Kelso can talk. Interestingly, my desire to stay home isn't guilt like I thought I'd feel, it's almost like jealousy. Weird I know but I HATE to share Kelso. I can't stand not being with him and knowing that other people get to make my baby laugh, that I have to share his smiles... I sometimes worry people won't provide for him as I would but ultimately I haven't left him with anyone other than family, so I know he's pretty safe.

Many of the things I thought were important or that I was interested in have just sort fallen off the charts or just aren't important enough to make it into my daily life. There are things I miss... like traveling, watching a movie without interruption, blogging, quick trips to the store (car seats are such a pain) or general shopping without a purpose but when I get a smile or giggle from Kelso it all makes it worth while.

Along those lines, tomorrow is date night and the first time we're leaving Kelso for longer than 3 hours. I'm so excited to see Fiona Apple again and to spend some alone time with Jason but sort of dreading being away. I'm so lucky that my parents are going to take care of him. I just wish we were all closer... it's SOO far.