Preschool?!

Apparently it's been a year to the day since I blogged, and Kelso's teeth are doing much better.  I can't believe I haven't blogged even about Freya's birth but I guess that just means I've been busy living life and enjoying these crazy amazing moments. However tonight I'm pausing and taking a second to check in with my emotions. Tomorrow everything will change. Tomorrow Kelso will go to his first day of Preschool. To say I can't believe it is an understatement. My sweet little boy going to preschool; He has grown so much, taught me so much and made me a mommy. His smile and laugh are contagious. His curiosity for the world, inspiring. I don't want to share him. I don't want to be away from him for even second but I know it's time. He's ready to go out and play with kids his own age.  It's time for him to explore, hang upside down from the monkey bars and take turns. It's time for me to spend some one on one time with Freya. It's time for me to pack a tiny backpack with a change of clothes and a snack, 2 days a week.

I'm scared... but I'm not going to tell him that. I worry that they won't know what he needs and he won't ask. I'm scared the kids may be mean to him or that he won't understand that they are being mean.... I fear that someone will hurt him or he will hurt himself but worst of all is I know all those things will happen at one point or another. It's scary to love so fully and so unconditionally and know that you heart is running free in this world. I have to pray and believe that my boy will be safe, that the world is generally a good place and that god will protect my baby. That no matter what all I can do is provide the best care and best resources we have so that Kelso can live his life to the fullest. As much as I want to keep him home with me and away from the cruel world I do know that my little boy is dying to play with kids his own age. And while I've attempted to provide play groups, it's just not the same.... so here I am. I'm tearful with pride, fear and a little sadness praying over my boy as I have done since I knew of his existence. Praying as he's curled up snuggly with his daddy one last time before he's a preschooler that he will be safe, have fun and that I won't show my anxieties to him so he can have a "normal" and beautiful first day of school.